Christmas Time

This year Christmas was probably the best Christmas I've had since 2000. I love Christmas, the time with family and friends, the lights, the smells, the sounds. But since I lost Paul (my son) in 2001, Christmas has been hard to get through. Each year I become more used to dealing with his absence, but always in the back of my mind he is there, in the quiet moments, my heart breaks and the tears flow. I wish that Paul could have been with us all this year. I would love for him to meet all his nieces, I know he would love to be around them. I wish he could meet Terry and see how happy Terry makes me.

This year was easier for me. I spent Christmas Eve with Terry and woke up Christmas morning with him and it was the sweetest time. Just being with Terry made me feel good and warm and wonderful. I can't explain in words just how wonderful this year was, having Terry to share it with. I am so thankful to have him in my world.

It's Nice When It's a Yes

I pray a lot and I know God answers prayers. But it is really nice this time that it was answered with a 'yes'. I know sometimes God answers with a 'no' and that eventually I realize that 'no' was the best answer for my life. But when it's a 'yes' and I've been waiting a long time, then is so much sweeter.

Hope

I feel a new hope in my life.

I think despite the heartache of not hearing one word from Terry, I know this will work out for the best for me. Things happen for a reason and even though I don't know the reason right away, in time I think I will understand. I think God has something better for me, either a new man or no one. Either way as long as I trust the Lord I think it will all work out for the best for me. I'm going to a class at The Vineyard that I know is just what I need. I am really learning a lot about who I am and what I really need in my life. So keep me in your prayers that I can remain hopeful and keep smiling on the inside and the outside!

Learning, Learning, Learning

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Well maybe this 'old dog' can learn some new tricks. Each day I learn lessons, some welcome, some not so welcome.

Recently I've learned to:
1. listen to my heart
2. go slower, a lot slower
3. not to put my entire world in one basket
4. not to wear my heart on my sleeve
5. keep things to myself

A side note to all my friends who I have made crazy talking about my love life (and my problems), you can relax now, I'll try and just be me from now on.

Trip to Michigan

I am leaving Wednesday for a trip to Michigan with Terry, his son, daughter-in-law and 4 grand kids. I am so excited I'm having a hard time sitting still and staying focused. This is something I have always wanted to do... go to a big ol' house and hang out with family. Even though I am not technically a part of Terry's family, they sure make me feel like I'm one of them. Sweet, genuine people.

We are going to go to the beach (Port Huron), play games, eat a lot and drink beer...just a relaxing vacation. I'm heading over to Terry's tomorrow night after work, it will be our only 'alone' time for 6 days so I'm going to enjoy it. Actually, I enjoy every moment I have with him...alone or not! In case you haven't realized it yet, I am pretty smitten with this guy. He is one special man. The feelings I have for him are new to me and very welcome, but also a little scary. This relationship is like Christmas, full of happiness, warm feelings, excitement and anticipation. .........sigh...........

Smitten

Okay I had my first 'sleepover' at Terry's house. I think I am smitten through and through. He is absolutely amazing and I like him more and more everyday. He tells me he feels the same way. I know those of you that know my 'love life' or lack thereof are probably sick of all my ups and downs. This time I feel completely different. I know no one will believe that, but it's true. I haven't felt like this ever before. I feel so comfortable around him, it's almost like we have been together for a really long time. I can't wait for him to meet my family and friends. I want to share with them just how happy I am with him.

Happiness

I have met an amazing man. His name is Terry and he makes me really happy. Things are going really well and I think they will just get better! Wish me luck!

Roller Coaster Ride

Two months ago I have jumped back into the dating pool after having ended a 4 month relationship. At first it seemed like a positive thing to do, searching online for 'Mr. Right'. Now, I'm not so sure. Being 52 years old and dating is not for the weak at heart. It takes strength and determination. It's only been two months, but I can feel myself getting weaker by the day. It's a roller coaster of emotions on a daily basis. 'He' calls and I get so excited, aglow with anticipation. But reality hits when 'he' stands me up for a date. This has happened 3 times in the last couple of weeks. Then I finally have a date with a new guy that I'm not stood up for...yay! It goes remarkably well and then....cue music...dun, dun, dun...I don't hear from him for 4 days. Arrgghhh!!!! A huge part of me is thinking of giving it up all together. I'm sure some of my friends would prefer that, as I'm sure they are tired of the moaning and groaning I've done lately. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I guess I'll take it one day at a time and try to stop worrying about it. (easier said than done!)

Vacation

Yeah! In two days I'm leaving for Colorado to see my daughter and her family. I haven't seen them in a year and I am super excited to give my grandaughter Caroline lots of love. I love traveling. I love to fly and I even love to sit in airports and watch people. Not only do I get to see my daughter, but she just moved into her new house and I get to see it! Yeah!

It will be so nice to get away and get my mind off things and just relax. I'll post pictures when I get back.

I Miss.....

I MISS MY GIRLS. I miss spending time with Emily. We used to spend more time together, but since her life changed and my job changed, we just don't spend much time together anymore. I miss that she used to live so close, now she lives 15 minutes away and sometimes that feels like 15 hours. I miss Jessica. I haven't seen her in a year because I had to wait a whole year to get vacation time. Talking to her on the phone is good, but spending time with her is the best.

I MISS MY GRAND KIDS. I used to see the grand kids frequently because they lived closer to me. I don't see them as much now since they moved. I am so looking forward to seeing them this Saturday. In one month from today I get to see my granddaughter, Caroline and I can hardly wait. If I had my way, we would all live in the same neighborhood and I would see them all the time.

I MISS HAVING A MAN IN MY LIFE. For just a little while there I thought it was finally going to work out for me, but no, just another let down. I miss having someone care about me, someone to hug and kiss. Maybe it's time to try again, but I feel like I have to wait until I become better, thinner, more tan, more together. I am going to try again, I think I just have to 'go for it' and be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs once again.

I'm Blessed

There are days when I get discouraged and down and feel like life is too hard and then I stop and think. I have so much to be thankful for. Almost a year ago I got a new job, one that allowed me to move into a place of my own. There hasn't been one day that I haven't walked around my apartment and been so happy to have my little place. It isn't a mansion, and it's not the fanciest place, but I just love my little place. I just switched my bedroom and crop room and I am so happy with the results. It's nice to have such a sweet crop space.

The thing I am most thankful for how ever is my grand kids. They are a huge blessing in my world. Sometimes Jessica and Emily send me videos of the kids and it makes my day. I hear the little ones laughing and it makes me laugh too. I also love to hear my 'little girls' (Jessica and Emily) laughing along with their kids in the videos. Emily sent a video the other day of Vivian. It was the sweetest video. I laughed so hard I cried. I know anytime I get depressed all I have to do is watch this video, and my mood will be instantly lifted. Here is the link to the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OuYUdHbxt0

Grandkids

I'm getting ready to go and see Emily's little ones. I can't wait. I haven't seen them in awhile and I miss them so much. We are celebrating Easter this weekend since they will be gone next weekend. We'll be hiding eggs and dying eggs. This is going to be so much fun. I'll add photos later of all the fun!

Good Grief Charlie Brown

It's been one of those days......

Yesterday I read an article online that said not getting enough sleep makes you gain weight. Great, I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep a night for months. So today I decided I would go to bed early.....ahh the best laid plans of mice and man!

Mondays are always busy at work and today was no exception. I can honestly say I wish every day was as busy as Mondays. I like being busy, it makes the days go by so much faster. ( By the way one of the girls in the office got mad at me today and told me she wasn't talking to me anymore....can we say junior high????)

On Mondays I go to see my Mom directly after work and today I also had to stop at Kroger to get food to cook for tomorrows carry-in at work. I got home about 9:30 and race to the bathroom only to realize my carpet in the hallway felt mushy when I walked on it. Imagine my surprise when I noticed the carpet was soaked, and the laundry room was flooded...why do you ask?...the water heater busted. So much for that great plan to go to bed early so I could be skinny. So I cooked my food for tomorrow and spent the rest of the evening trying to clean up the water mess.

So my big plans for tomorrow are to go to work and be happy no matter how anyone else acts, go to Beef O' Brady's and drink green beer, go home and vacuum the water out of the carpet and be in bed by 10 so I can start to be the wonderful skinny person that is dying to get out!

Wish There Was a Manual

I wish there was a manual for life, somewhere I could look up all the answers to life's questions. I am dating a great guy, buy my mind is full of questions. I'm not sure where the questions are coming from. Things seemed to be going great for a while and then I woke up one day and was struck by confusion. Something is nagging me and I can't put a finger on what it is. Am I so afraid to make another mistake I am sabotaging my own love life or is my gut telling me something? Time will tell, I just hope I don't screw anything up for myself.

Yay! No Fever!

Well for the first day in a week I am finally feeling more like myself again. I came down suddenly with a high fever last Sunday and have been struggling all week. I have no sick days, so I had to go to work each day despite how I felt. It was a long week. I had big plans for the weekend, but I missed it all.

I was supposed to go to the Melting Pot for Valerie's birthday Friday night, but I was still running a fever and too sick. I felt so sad to miss her birthday and all the yummy fun. Then on Saturday I was supposed to go to the Mardi Gras crop at Live Love Scrap, but I missed that too. I was so excited, I had my mask all ready and I was so looking forward to hanging out with my friends. Still had a fever yesterday, so cropping just couldn't happen. Instead I spent Friday night and all day Saturday in bed trying to get well.

Looks like it did me good, I do feel better today. I guess I have a lot of fun to make up...I think I'll start out slow!

A Little Bit Confused

I've had a lot going on in my life lately causing me to think far too much. It's been a roller coaster of emotions. A million questions are swirling thru my mind but no answers. I guess I'll go to bed tonight and solve all lifes problems tomorrow.

TTFN

Another Day Goes By

Yay! It's Friday! As a rule Fridays are one of my favorite days of the week. Work is a little busy, just enough to keep the day going, but not too much that I feel overwhelmed. Then I get to go home and look forward to the weekend. I love having a job where I know I have every weekend off.

Today was a little yucky even though it was a Friday. I had to have a biopsy done on my cervix. I have had this done before and it is uncomfortable, but it's not the worst thing in the world. It's always awkward to go to the Gyno. The phrase 'scoot your butt to the end of the table' has got to be the most annoying phrase ever! Results next week..I'll let you know.

Went over to Emily's tonight to help with the move. Tomorrow is the big moving day. This will be the farthest she has ever lived from me. It makes me a little sad, but I don't know why. I realize she'll only be 10 minutes away, but there was just something about stopping on the way home from somewhere to see her that I will miss. I'm happy for her though, she is going to have a great life with Brian.

TTFN (Ta-ta for now)

Not Sure About This

I'm not really sure about this blog thing. I've never really felt I had anything to say that would be terribly interesting to anyone else. Vickie Allen talked me into doing this, so if anyone is to blame...blame Vickie.

As a general rule when I am scrapping with my friends, we tend to lay all the blame on Rene for everything. Last week would be an exception to that rule, when the blame was laid on Nancy (of which it was well deserved). However, still this blog is still Vickie's fault.

I got to thinking last Sunday about the day before that I had spent with my friends scrap booking. I smiled to myself. I can honestly say these friends of mine bring a great deal of joy to my life. I seem to laugh the most when I am around them. For years I prayed for friends like this, and now here they are in my life. When I get to feeling down, I think back to some of our crazy moments spent together and it makes me smile inside and brings my spirits right back up. Vickie, our 'illustrious ring leader' has a way about her that is hysterically funny and unbelievably easy to tease.

I will sign off for now because I am feeling rather lousy with a cold. One of those fun things where you have to lay on one side to breath and then switch to the other side to breath and on and on for the whole night. Arrggghhh!